Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
