SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
