Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
