I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
