FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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