i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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