Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
