I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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