'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
