Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You are the jesus of drinking
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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