If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
