I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
