You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am spending my child support on dildos
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Text me some of your sweat
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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