are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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