I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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