Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
porn star boner night. come get it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
