Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
