Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Of course I have a pirate flag
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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