Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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