Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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