obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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