You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.