There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
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The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.