It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.