That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
