After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
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Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.