ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.