she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
