i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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