My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
