We're facebook friends in real life
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
