I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
