i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
