I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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