I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
They have beer where we have blood.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
