i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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