Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
