I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize