the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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