#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
