This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
