There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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