listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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