my vag is so smooth its legendary
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
