So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
