you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
