I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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