I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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