Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
