Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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