She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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