She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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