omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
