I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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