There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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