At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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