So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I lost the right to judge tonight
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
