we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
