every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
