u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
