I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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