Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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