He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize