I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
