I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
