we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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