Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
