so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
