The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have tasted many bathrooms
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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