Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
