I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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